Confessions of a desperate house wife (but not the kind of desperate housewife that may come to mind)

* I am desperate for un-interrupted sleep. Sleep that lasts longer than 30 minutes night or day.  Nolan and Pace have had influenza - with Pace running a fever over 103.9 degrees. (yikes!) Pace is never a good sleeper. On his best nights he is up at least four times, but usually he is up over seven.  When he is sick I start counting the times I get into my bed instead of counting the times that he wakes up. Pace has had some sickness or other for the last four weeks and counting.

*I feel old and worn-out and frequently consider why one of my very hardest babies was sent as #7? Why not more towards the beginning of the family like my other hard babies when I was younger and more resilient and had a husband home to help?

* In the last two weeks I have missed family scriptures 4 or 5 times and let the kids take care of it because it was my only chance to sleep.  Yep - they have no parent there for "family" scripture time.

* I am desperate to be able to talk with adults because I have been cooped up in this house without a husband for so many weeks.  Most of my friends are finished having babies, however, so that poses a little problem.  When I get a chance to escape to the gym on Friday mornings and they ask what I've been up to, I have fascinating things to contribute, like "sick kids...!!??"  They can't relate anymore-and who really wants to talk about that anyway? Not me! - they quickly move on to more interesting topics of conversation  and I become a background listener.

*Sometimes I get teary just thinking about my mom and wishing that I could talk to her...

*I rarely- or briefly- get to talk to my husband on the telephone while he's gone because holding a 16 or 17 pound baby in one arm and a phone in the other hand while I bounce up and down to keep the baby quiet  tends to break my over-taxed back. We DO text back and forth all day long though...

*I get so excited when my husband arrives home that my kids start laughing at me and tell me that my voice "got super high-pitched" in my excitement!

* I blog more than usual when Shawn is gone, hoping  - and grateful -for any single comment that I get because it makes me feel like maybe I am not all alone in the universe!!!! (I know - p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c.)

*Sometimes (last week) my oldest daughter voluntarily skipped school because she could tell that I was in over my head.

*My oldest son voluntarily (I have great kids!) helps get the kids out the door every single morning for school.  Except for Friday mornings when Shawn is usually here to help me.  Caden and I have it down to an art because we get the kids out the door together four days a week.  I am so grateful that his bus comes 45 minutes after everyone else has to be on the bus.  We have exactly 30 minutes to get everyone else out the door every morning.  So Caden cooks breakfast, usually eggs and toast or oatmeal, while I put together five sack lunches.  Then he holds a screaming Pace while I get several heads of hair all presentable.  (The kids never miss the bus except for Friday mornings - HA!)

I'm not one of these women that keeps having kids because I can't get enough of the baby age.  Love my babies; don't love the stage. It's definitely a sacrifice during that first year or so (and the whole pregnancy leading up to it). But I love being a mother- especially from one year on:) I love making a difference.  This is the life I have chosen and I would choose it again, hands down, desperate feelings that it brings, and all:) I'm grateful for the outstanding training that I received for motherhood in the home that I grew up in. It was incomparable and it's a no-brainer that I should have a lot of children to share that blessing with now. "Because I have been given much, I too must give." I love to watch my children grow and become.  I hope that along the way I am growing too.