family picture 2020

family picture 2020

Friday, January 17, 2014

Confessions of a desperate house wife (but not the kind of desperate housewife that may come to mind)

* I am desperate for un-interrupted sleep. Sleep that lasts longer than 30 minutes night or day.  Nolan and Pace have had influenza - with Pace running a fever over 103.9 degrees. (yikes!) Pace is never a good sleeper. On his best nights he is up at least four times, but usually he is up over seven.  When he is sick I start counting the times I get into my bed instead of counting the times that he wakes up. Pace has had some sickness or other for the last four weeks and counting.

*I feel old and worn-out and frequently consider why one of my very hardest babies was sent as #7? Why not more towards the beginning of the family like my other hard babies when I was younger and more resilient and had a husband home to help?

* In the last two weeks I have missed family scriptures 4 or 5 times and let the kids take care of it because it was my only chance to sleep.  Yep - they have no parent there for "family" scripture time.

* I am desperate to be able to talk with adults because I have been cooped up in this house without a husband for so many weeks.  Most of my friends are finished having babies, however, so that poses a little problem.  When I get a chance to escape to the gym on Friday mornings and they ask what I've been up to, I have fascinating things to contribute, like "sick kids...!!??"  They can't relate anymore-and who really wants to talk about that anyway? Not me! - they quickly move on to more interesting topics of conversation  and I become a background listener.

*Sometimes I get teary just thinking about my mom and wishing that I could talk to her...

*I rarely- or briefly- get to talk to my husband on the telephone while he's gone because holding a 16 or 17 pound baby in one arm and a phone in the other hand while I bounce up and down to keep the baby quiet  tends to break my over-taxed back. We DO text back and forth all day long though...

*I get so excited when my husband arrives home that my kids start laughing at me and tell me that my voice "got super high-pitched" in my excitement!

* I blog more than usual when Shawn is gone, hoping  - and grateful -for any single comment that I get because it makes me feel like maybe I am not all alone in the universe!!!! (I know - p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c.)

*Sometimes (last week) my oldest daughter voluntarily skipped school because she could tell that I was in over my head.

*My oldest son voluntarily (I have great kids!) helps get the kids out the door every single morning for school.  Except for Friday mornings when Shawn is usually here to help me.  Caden and I have it down to an art because we get the kids out the door together four days a week.  I am so grateful that his bus comes 45 minutes after everyone else has to be on the bus.  We have exactly 30 minutes to get everyone else out the door every morning.  So Caden cooks breakfast, usually eggs and toast or oatmeal, while I put together five sack lunches.  Then he holds a screaming Pace while I get several heads of hair all presentable.  (The kids never miss the bus except for Friday mornings - HA!)

I'm not one of these women that keeps having kids because I can't get enough of the baby age.  Love my babies; don't love the stage. It's definitely a sacrifice during that first year or so (and the whole pregnancy leading up to it). But I love being a mother- especially from one year on:) I love making a difference.  This is the life I have chosen and I would choose it again, hands down, desperate feelings that it brings, and all:) I'm grateful for the outstanding training that I received for motherhood in the home that I grew up in. It was incomparable and it's a no-brainer that I should have a lot of children to share that blessing with now. "Because I have been given much, I too must give." I love to watch my children grow and become.  I hope that along the way I am growing too.

8 comments:

  1. I'm sorry I have let you down when you needed my comments the most! It doesn't work to comment on Kevin's tablet, in fact the blogs don't work on the tablet anymore, either, and I find myself too busy to sit down at the computer, at least for any significant amount of time. I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so desperate, but if it helps (it won't), I know how you feel. Sometimes I think this may be one of the hardest times of my life and I don't even have the baby here yet. Is it just because we don't have that safety net of our parents? I don't know. You have great kids, though, and it sounds like they are really helpful. I hope the little ones get better and you can all start sleeping again. Life really brightens up when you are rested, doesn't it? I hope things start looking up for you! Heidi

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  2. My by far hardest colic-y baby was my seventh too! She was waking up many times at night even at age one. (She is now the easiest, sweetest 2 year old ever.)
    I totally agree with you about feeling weird. We used to be the young parents and now we're the weird ladies with newborns and high schoolers.
    You are NOT alone!! Please- call me anytime you need to vent (and get a headless phone set to plug into your phone so you don't hurt your back).

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  3. Man! I just love you, Amy! And your kids! I feel the same way Heidi does - I should comment on your blog more! I read it all the time and love every post! I have lots of excuses for not doing it, but they're all lame. I promise to be better.
    I TOTALLY relate to you and wish we lived closer so that we could get together more often. At least I can read your blog posts and know that I'm not the only one loving my life and losing my mind at the same time...

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  4. Amy you are so good. I love to read all of your posts and I know I am terrible about making comments. I am sorry you have a tough little guy and I hope he will get better at sleeping for you soon.

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  5. I hope you get some good sleep soon! I too am missing being able to call Mom. January is always such a grey month with nothing to look forward to. Everyone is always sick so you don't want to be around people, but at the same time you're dying for some socialization. I almost called you a couple of times this week, but then I always worry about it not being a good time. If you ever have time and want to, you should call because I want to talk too!

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    1. Thanks everybody for "listening" to my hard time. I feel so supported and loved:) When I eventually get adequate sleep everything will feel 100% better even if nothing else has changed. I really need my sleep. I love my sleep!

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  6. I'm feeling guilty because my baby is 12 and I find myself walking around my house bored sometimes because everyone takes care of themselves. I wish we were next door neighbors because I would come over during the day and make you lock yourself in your room for a long nap while I rocked Pace and I could win Abram over again!

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    1. Kellie, remember that lot that's for sale by our house....? It still has your name all over it!:)

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