Sometimes you feel like you are really on top of things as a mother - you realize that you've said or done just the right thing at just the right moment, given your children just the right amount of attention and love, were able to be kind, generous, supportive, or any number of wonderful motherly attributes, when you didn't feel like doing or being any of those things.
Then there are so many moments mixed in that you completely flunk as a mother and you realize over and over again that it is a very good thing that it "takes a village to raise a child" so-to-speak. And that there is a higher being watching over us all.
One of my horrible mothering moments happened last night as we were visiting at Grandma Shirley's house (one of the extended Gee family weekly traditions.) Suzette suddenly interrupted her talking and began looking out the window and trying, unsuccessfully, to say something. We could tell that there was something shockingly horrible going on outside, so we jumped up and looked to see what it was. And there, across a fairly busy road, was our little Abram (he looked so tiny) standing and looking at the horses that have been fascinating him for weeks and weeks.
Apparently, one of the many children who were there last night had left the outside door open just long enough for him to escape. And I didn't even notice! I had not idea he wasn't in the house! Obviously I have no picture to share with you of the event, but I will tell you that is one picture that will be indelibly imprinted on my mind forever.
Thankfully, he headed over to see the horses, (and didn't get hit by a car in the process) because if he had gone in the other direction no one would have seen him, for one thing, and he could have fallen into a ditch.
Shawn and I were sick all night and are sure that we'll have nightmares for weeks about the whole incident. It's almost like it is worse the longer I think about it! I don't know what I would do without our sweet little Abram, and I can't imagine how hard it would be to lose a child, but especially to lose a child because of my lack of vigilance!
Yikes! Glad he's ok! You are a great Mom Amy!
ReplyDeleteI hate scary things like this. Don't beat yourself up about it - you are wonderful! I still have images in my head of my kids tumbling down flights of stairs or off my tall bed when I wasn't looking.
ReplyDeleteI was having nightmares too!
ReplyDeleteMe too. I called first thing Monday morning to apologize to you and Shawn for not seeing him. I feel like it was my fault because I was so close to him and never even saw the kid! I went to bed that night totally shaken and told Dave, "This could have been a very different night if something happened to little Abram."
ReplyDeleteI'm so HAPPY that nothing happened. Thank heaven for moments like these to remind all of us how fragile life is (without actually hurting anyone). I still get sick when I think about the time I lost Nicki at a Nursery with full ditches all around. I was literally crying and screaming out her name and looking for her body floating in a ditch and Ali was kneeling on the ground praying. (we found her is our car happy as a clam, by the way).